Playing With Fire
Dad: “FIRE! FIRE! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! FIRE!”
(I run inside and find that Dad had managed to light stir-fry on fire. He is just standing in front of the burning stove screaming and panicking. I run and put it out with the fire extinguisher.)
Me: “Have I just walked into a Sims game?”Read more funny stories at NotAlwaysRelated.com!:
so basically someone made a redesigned version of Comic Sans and holy shit I never knew I could warm up to something that resembles Comic Sans like this
I’m not a typographer so my eyes aren’t trained for this but I think I might use this from now on
oh i really like this, it’s friendly without being silly
Ooh, they made it look awesome.
Ahhhh, life before internet!
Or, y’know, that thing called “Passover.”
Or the whole thing with Noah’s Ark where he killed off everything in the world except Noah and his family, and two of every animal. Y’know, no big deal. Just millions of people.
90% of the Old Testament is about God killing people in temper tantrums
Are we not going to mention Jesus?
Oh my god.
we should start a bowling team when we all get to hell
The truth is
…I’m terrified about ‘joining the real world’. I’m terrified about getting a job.
“How was your day?”
“Text me when you get home so I know you’re safe”
“How are you?”
“I hope you’re feeling better”
“Have a good day today!”
“I miss you”
“Can you come over?”
“Can I come over?”
“Can I see you?”
“Can I call you?”
“Want something to drink?”
“Watch your step”
“Let’s watch a movie”
“What are you up to?”
“How is your day so far?”
“It will be okay”
“I’m here for you”
“Do you need anything?”
“Are you hungry?”
“I just wanted to hear your voice”
“You just made my day”
You don’t have to hear “I Love You” to know that someone does. Listen carefully. People speak from the heart more often than you think.” — Blocklava (via bl-ossomed)
IM SO PISSED OFF THAT WE DONT HAVE BALLS ANY MORE
I WANT TO WEAR A HUGE DRESS AND BE COURTED AND DANCE AROUND AND HAVE MY GOWN SWEEP THE FLOOR AND BE ALL ELEGANT AND GRACEFUL WITH GLOVES AND SHIT
BUT NO WE HAVE DUMB HOUSE PARTIES WITH CHEAP BEER AND RED CUPS AND HORNY TEENAGE BOYS WHO PUT THEIR HANDS UP MY SHIRT
for a second there i thought you were talking about testicles omg
I’m pissed off too but on the bright side I get to study and work on whatever I want.
Imagine stabbing someone with this knife.
It would instantly cauterize the would, so the person wouldn’t bleed, so it’s not very useful.
if you want information it is
and above, in order, we see a gryffindor, a ravenclaw, and a slytherin
why would you stab a PERSON when you can have TOAST?
There’s the hufflepuff